Growing up in 1980’s communist Romania was difficult, especially for Christians. Communism is driven by an atheistic ideology, so religious activity was always discouraged, particularly denominations belonging to the Protestant minority who were usually labeled as sects. This mentality was shared by a significant part of the population, as it is usually the case, so as the son of a Baptist pastor, I had to endure some bullying. Without trying to pose as a victim here, this has scarred me to a certain degree, and to this day I have a tend to shy away from my Christian identity. 

At the end of 1989, the political system was overthrown in Romania, as communism collapsed in Eastern Europe and democracy took its place. While growing up as a protestant Christian in such an authoritarian regime was hard, freedom proved to be even harder.

I became a teenager in this new political order, something which turned out to aggravate even more my already difficult adolescence experience. The years of political oppression seemed to mirror my personal experience, which I viewed mostly as a long list of interdictions imposed by my parents. Initially, tasting the forbidden fruit had to be done primarily in secret, and only occasionally did I dare to challenge their authority. Gradually, however, as I began to enjoy sin more and more, I became hooked on the lifestyle and I was convinced that I have finally figured out what life was all about. There was one major problem, however. 

My parents were very much against this kind of life and were doing their best to bring me back on the right path. In my mind, however, it seemed that my Christian background, which made me feel as an outcast before, was an embarrassing baggage, one that I was eager to offload as soon as possible. I secretly envied my secular friends who seemed to live such an exciting life. Often, I contemplated how much easier my life could have been if only I were born in a different family. For example, I dreaded being asked about what my dad did for a living.       

It seemed that the only solution was to break away from the context of my upbringing. The whole process that followed, I believe, is very well portrayed by the parable of the prodigal son. Like him, I was convinced the answer was to run away, to be as far away from the watching eyes and nagging remarks of my parents, somewhere I could be free to do whatever I wanted.

So, I plunged into a life of sin and debauchery. Getting intoxicated, chasing girls, fighting, and any kind of wild living that came my way were things that I consumed with an insatiable thirst. I was under a spell, and all efforts from my parents to talk some sense into me, or to keep me away from this environment, fell on deaf ears. 

While the rebellion was at its highest during my teenage years, with my life being somewhat more contained from age 22, this mentality that I can make my own destiny persisted well into my adulthood. During these years, I really believed that earning financial freedom would supply the means to be happy. So, I pursued success with all my might, only to experience disappointment after disappointment. Even when I had some achievements, the pleasure was very brief, and once it was consumed, it usually left me even emptier than before.

Despite starting to doubt whether the course I was on could deliver satisfaction, I still refused to consider that God might be the answer. My whole life, after all, was characterized by rebellion against God. In fact, sometimes I would blame God for my failures. I was often under the impression that he held me down, just as my parents had done through my childhood. I was hoping that he would let me be, and stop interfering with my life. What arrogance on my part! 

For two decades, I fought hard to be my own master. In my last few years of prodigal living, a faint thought would occasionally surface, and I wondered if somehow that which I tried so hard to run away from for so many years was in fact what I needed. Every time this happened, I suppressed it because I was not ready to give up on that life. In addition, having to identify as a Christian terrified me. It meant that I would have to embrace that which I perceived as the stigma of being a Christian, and I was not ready to do that either. There seemed to be some impossible hurdles that I could not overcome, which meant that I was stuck with my messy life. I was desperately clinging on to all the rubbish in my life in the hope that I could somehow get everything in order.

The moment the prodigal son squandered his inheritance, he found himself in the most pitiful situation, as “he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything” (Lk 15:16). This is exactly the misery I was experiencing. I had hit rock bottom, things seemed to be worse than ever, and yet, just like the prodigal son, it was this moment that jolted me back to my senses.  

At age 34, on the morning of October 10^th 2013, God decided He had enough of my rebellion. I was waiting for the bus to go to work when suddenly anxiety and fear overwhelmed me, and I felt that the whole world was caving in on me. I had finally reached the end of the road as I was griped with despair, and while I had a hard time concentrating on what was going on around me in the physical sense, I could see perfectly clear the reason for my spiritual collapse. 

After years of rebellion, my pride was finally crushed, and I was ready to humble myself and ask forgiveness from my heavenly Father. I was at last ready to step down from the throne that I have been illegitimately occupying for so many years, and ask God to be in charge. In this turmoil that I was going through, like Jonah from the belly of the fish, I cried out to him in my spirit, and He has graciously lifted me “out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock” (Ps 40:2). The prodigal son must have been restless as well as he was getting close to home. What would his father’s reaction be? Would he forgive him? Would he be willing to forget the disrespect the son had done to him? 

Not only did the father forgive him, but he put the best robe on him, and threw a big party to celebrate his return (Lk 15:22-24). This was my experience as well. I went from a terrible feeling of anxiety to a wonderful sense of peace, knowing that God has answered my prayer, that he has forgiven me and restored me. Oh, what a relief! For years, I have tried to fix the mess in my life in my own strength only to learn that the solution was to submit and not to lead.

Within just a day or two, I could already tell that the old has gone, and I was now a new person. I am certainly not yet perfect, but I know that God has completely transformed my life and has set me on a very different course in life, one on which he constantly forms me and guides me to be more like him. While prior to my conversion most of my life was wasted, God was merciful not only to forgive, but also to give me several second chances. I want to share four of them. 

A second chance as a son. After years of being at odds with my parents, I can finally enjoy a healthy relationship with them. Like the prodigal son, who repented both to God and his earthly father, I also had to ask forgiveness from my parents. While for many years I had thought that my parents were making my life difficult, I had to admit that, in fact, it was I who caused them misery, and who needed to apologize. We are no longer in different camps, but instead seek to advance God’s kingdom together. I especially cherish serving in the church with my father, trying to learn from him at every step. 

A second chance as a husband. I am convinced that the destructive path that I was on, would have seriously damaged, if not even destroyed, my marriage in the end. However, after becoming a Christian, my marriage, while still facing some challenges as any other marriage, is functioning within the parameters intended by God, and I can say that it is healthier and much more fulfilling this way. Bianca and I have delighted to watch our relationship being strengthen in the years since. 

A second chance as a father. Living in sin would have taken its toll eventually on my parent mandate as well. I would have failed at being a role model over and over again. I am forever grateful for God changing me into a new father, one who is concerned with raising his children in the fear of the Lord and seeks to lead by example. 

A second chance as a student. By my mid-thirties, I was at the point where my life was not going anywhere. I had abandoned college years before, and I have certainly failed to settle in any profession. However, at the age of 35, as a father of three, and working full time, I went back to school. Since then, I obtained a bachelor in Biblical Studies, and I am currently pursuing a Masters of Divinity, which I hope to use in serving as a pastor in a church. I never thought I would follow in my father’s footsteps. No, not even after I became a Christian.      

These are some amazing second chances, which I certainly do not deserve given my track record. Only the God of perfect love would forgive me completely, and shower me with so many blessings. While I do not dwell on the past, it is hard not to contemplate how God opened certain doors for such a sinner as myself. I guess all I can do is to say with Paul, “I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man” (1 Tim 1:12-13).

It is amazing that God decides to use even the worst sinners for his service. This really speaks of how unsearchable God’s ways are, but also how deep his love for man is. No sinner is outside of his amazing grace. God can transform even the vilest of sinners. This is what makes the gospel so marvelous. God can change you and me, and he can use us in his service, if we just surrender to him. I am aware of the fact that I am not able to repay God’s grace in my life, nor do I have to, but I believe that he will be pleased with me trying, so I shall strive to do my best to bring glory to him with whatever is left of my life. 

And now that I have shared my story, I would like to turn to you, my reader, and challenge you with a few questions. Have you experienced this amazing transformation? Is God your Lord? If yes, will you seek to serve him as best you can and to bring glory to his name? I hope you will.